40 Lessons

All Forty, In Order — and One More

Numbered as they were written. The five from the video are 36 to 40. The one that came after is 41.

1. 1

   Things almost never go as planned. But that’s OK, because life would be pretty boring and predictable if they did. Mike Tyson once said, "Everybody has a plan until they get punched in the mouth." I agree. But he also bit someones ear off once - so take it for what it’s worth. The point is - it’s totally fine to have plans, set goals, and work towards the things you want… It’s actually very important in my opinion, because no one else is going to do it for you - but don’t be too hard on yourself when the wind blows you off course, or Mike Tyson bites your ear off. If your GPS is functioning, it’ll set you back on course again. And regarding your ear - you have a spare just in case.

2. 2

   Never take things for granted. Life passes quickly, and we’re always so busy doing things, that we very rarely (if ever) stop and really see and appreciate all of the important things (including the little things) in our life. The opportunities you have every single day, your health, the fact that you’re currently alive, and most importantly your relationships with the people you love and care about. We aren’t entitled to anything in life, and we’ll never truly know where the road will lead at the end of the day… So don’t ever take the things, or people in your life for granted.

3. 3

   Be grateful for all of the things in your life (the good and the bad). Without the bad, we wouldn’t be able to appreciate the good, and we wouldn’t be able to grow. Some of the hardest moments of my 35 years, have lead me to my biggest breakthroughs, and realizations. And I’m grateful for all of them. I also realize that there will be many more to come.

4. 4

   Teenagers should only be able to get their drivers licence between the ages of 20-24. I used to do way too many crazy / stupid things as a teenager, and my adult brain would have never trusted myself behind a wheel of a car back then. I especially wouldn’t trust the teens in this day and age. They would probably “dab” their way into a traffic light. And driving tests should also be much harder for adults. The truth is, most people shouldn’t be on the roads.

5. 5

   EGO, really is the enemy. I’ve made many bad decisions over the years because of ego, and all of the things that come with it (pride, vengefulness, arrogance, stubbornness, selfishness, etc.) You’re not better than anyone, and the world owes you nothing. Also, Google a poem entitled Desiderata - and read it.

6. 6

   The world doesn’t owe you ANYTHING. If you don’t have something that you want in your life, it’s either because of the past decisions you’ve made, or simply because you’re not working hard (and smart) enough for it. It’s a sign that you haven’t given enough effort yet. Don’t waste your life feeling sorry for yourself because of circumstance, or anything else out of your control. The world owes you nothing. But you owe yourself everything.

7. 7

   Always take responsibility for your actions, and never blame others for your circumstances, failures, or mistakes. No matter what, you will always control the meaning you give any situation, and you can always control the path you decide to take moving forward. Always strive to look forwards, not backwards.

8. 8

   Life isn’t always fair - deal with it. It wasn’t meant to be fair. But as bad as you think you might have it, I can almost guarantee that there’s 10,000+ other people around the world that have it 100 times worse. There will always be taller, luckier, stronger, wealthier, funnier, more attractive, smarter, happier, wittier, and more “successful” people than you - even if they don’t necessarily deserve to be. But that’s life, and that’s OK. Instead, be grateful for everything you DO have, and focus all of your energy on getting where you want to go.

9. 9

   Take care of your body and health. You only get one body, and one life, so take care of yourself, both mentally and physically. Exercise, eat healthier, read more, etc. At the end of the day, if you don’t have your health - you’ll probably be willing to trade almost anything to get it back. So take good care of yourself.

10. 10

    Every single day is a learning experience. No matter how much you know (or think you know) today - you really know nothing. The beliefs you hold today, may change tomorrow. The foods you enjoy today, might make you nauseous tomorrow. That thing you always thought was right, or true - may be proved absolutely wrong tomorrow. But none of that matters - if you’d simply accept the fact that every day is a new opportunity to learn, and improve. “Every passing minute is another chance to turn it all around” - Vanilla Sky

11. 11

    It’s not all about the Benjamins. The older you get, the more you realize that the majority of what truly matters in life, has absolutely nothing to do with money. Of course, money is important, and can give you more freedom in life (at least on most parts of this planet, unless you live in some jungle tribe, which would probably be pretty cool), but it’s not everything. Not even close.

12. 12

    Be kind. You never know what people are going through in life. Both kids and adults are capable of being very cruel sometimes (I’m very guilty of this as well). Despite that, we should always strive to be kind. But being kind doesn’t only apply to friends, and strangers. Some people treat strangers like a million bucks, yet they treat their own family, or partner like crap. Be kind to everyone, especially to the people that care about you most.

13. 13

    Always show the people you love and care about, how much they mean to you. No matter how many times you’ve told them - tell them again. No matter how many different times you’ve shown them, show them again. These will most likely be the people who you’ll spend the most time with throughout your life. Cherishing them, and your relationship with them is one of the most important things you can do. These are the moments that truly matter at the end of the day. The moments you will hold onto in your heart, forever.

14. 14

    Give, and you shall receive. I’m pretty sure that was mentioned somewhere in the bible, and I strongly concur. I have a tendency to be pretty selfish sometimes, until I catch myself and snap out of it! That being said, I truly believe that giving is the real key to receiving everything you could possibly want or need in life. And there’s no better kind of giving, than to give, and expect nothing in return. You can do this in your relationship, in business, by helping someone in need, by giving to a cause you believe in, by opening the door for an elderly person, etc. Zig Ziglar was once quoted saying, “You will get all you want in life, if you help enough other people get what they want.” That’s a great way of thinking!

15. 15

    Don’t hold on to grudges. In the long run, they do more harm to you, rather than to the person you hold a grudge against. Trust me, as I speak from experience.

16. 16

    Learning to forgive is important. Just as you shouldn't hold grudges, you should also not hold on to any negative feelings towards people. Let it go, and choose to forgive instead.

17. 17

    Life is short. As cliche as is sounds - this one is a BIGGIE. I celebrated my birthday yesterday, and today I attended a funeral and mourned the loss of a very special person that passed away the same day as my birthday. This really put things in perspective for me. One second you could be here, and gone the next. You really never know when your last “I love you” to someone you truly care about might be. The last time you’ll be able to hold them in your arms, or simply share a laugh or smile with them. All those plans you have… Those bucket list things you still haven’t done… Maybe you should go do them sooner, rather than later? Spend more quality time with the important people in your life. It all goes by in a blink.

18. 18

    Learn how to focus, and master one thing very well. If I could change one thing earlier on in my career / life, I would’ve stuck to master ONE thing, instead of jumping from one thing to another every time I got bored, or it wasn’t “working” soon enough.

19. 19

    Don’t ever give up on your dreams and aspirations, as foolish as they may seem to others. We are all unique individuals, with unique talents, dreams, and aspirations - and we deserve to reach our fullest potential. So don’t let that flame inside of you die, because of what other people think (your family, friends, people online, etc.) Sometimes, the only supporter you’ll have, will be you. Until the right people will join you by your side, along your journey.

20. 20

    Choose your relationships wisely. This goes for your intimate relationships, friendships, and business relationships.

21. 21

    Never trust the cleaning staff at hotels, or the cleanliness of hotel rooms. The bed sheets were most likely never changed - just patted down. Those little hairs on the sheets, when you uncover the blanket… They aren’t yours. Always wear flip flops when walking around a hotel room, especially the bathroom.

22. 22

    The seasons will always change. I’ve realized that just like the seasons, all things eventually pass, transform, and change over time. When things are tough, you can always count on it to get better. Winter doesn’t last forever. But neither does summer, and the good times. The seasons of life flow like the ocean, and just like everything else - that’s OK. Whatever season you’re currently in - just know that it won’t always be this way.

23. 23

    Failures are prerequisites to success (whatever success means to you). If people earned certifications, diplomas, or degrees for each time they’ve “failed” at something in life (perhaps they should) - I’d most likely be one of the most highly qualified people in the world on the subject. At least in the top 1%. But having a PhD in failing isn’t such a bad thing. As long as you do your best to learn from your failures, and do better the next time around. That’s the only way we can truly learn always. Experience is the best teacher, and you can’t learn that from books. Failures can bring you closer to where you truly want to be, so don’t be down on yourself the next time you “fail”. Simply search for the lesson, learn how you can do better the next time, and try again.

24. 24

    Never take life advice from a FB post, or a dude that wrote a book on dating, when he was 20.

25. 25

    I still have 10 more lessons to go, and I have no clue what else to share?

26. 26

    “Drink wine. This is life eternal. This is all that youth will give you. It is the season for wine, roses and drunken friends. Be happy for this moment. This moment is your life.” (I just stole that line from a movie, and I like it - but I don’t drink)

27. 27

    Go see a therapist. The truth is, most of us have issues (that usually stem from way back in our childhood), and we’re almost never taught how to properly cope with them when growing up. So put your ego aside, realize that you’re fucked up and have plenty of issues (assuming you’re like most normal people), and get your ass over to a therapist.

28. 28

    The best investment (of time or money) will always be to invest in yourself. I’ve wasted so much money and time in my life on the wrong things, however, I at least learned that they were the wrong things after a while, so it wasn’t much of a wast after all, since I got a lesson out of it (learned what not to do). That being said, I’ve also invested a TON of money and time into myself over the years - and I can say without a doubt - NONE of it was ever a waste. There is nothing more valuable than learning, and improving your abilities, skills, and mindset. Always choose investing in yourself, over the stock market.

29. 29

    Find yourself a mentor. Having a mentor or coach in certain areas of your life can save you years of struggling, or trying to figure things out on your own. Enough said.

30. 30

    You’ll most likely have nightmares, or very weird dreams, if you’re too hot in your sleep. I’ve never found any research to support this, but it’s always been the case for me. That being said, research does suggest that people have a deeper sleep when the room temperature is cooler. #themoreyouknow

31. 31

    Don't always wait for things to be perfect. Don’t always wait for things, a situation, or scenario to be perfect before jumping in - because it’ll never happen. If you always delay things, opportunities, relationships, etc. because things just aren’t “perfect or good enough” yet, there’s a good chance you’re making a mistake, and would probably end up regretting it soon… “I’ll join a gym when I…, I’ll start saving when… I’ll settle down when… I won’t be happy until I make…” are some of the rules people set for themselves, without realizing that they may be setting themselves up for failure, and regret later in life. Things will never be perfect, so stop waiting for them to be, and start living now. Start doing all of those things now.

32. 32

    Relationships take work. A lot of work. Think of all the work you had to do in school, and multiply that by infinity… OK, that’s a bit of an exaggeration, but not very off. One of the most naive things I believed when I was younger was that, once you land that special someone, you could just kick your legs up on the couch and call it a day. That they’d be yours forever, because of the magic word, love. Boy, was I dumb! The sad part is, many adults still think like this too. Tony Robbins (aka my Yoda) once said, “Do what you did in the beginning of a relationship and there won’t be an end.” Does anyone spit out more truth than Uncle Tony!? If you have someone special in your life, treat them like it, every, single, day. Don’t ever take them for granted. Don’t ever stop telling them, and showing them how much they mean to you. If you want them to stay in your life (and not be miserable) - you’re going to have to put in the work. Every day. Or they simply won’t stick around. And if they do, they shouldn’t - because they deserve better. Both people in a relationship need to put in the work, and it won’t always be easy. But it’s the only way - if you want to not only stay together - but thrive, grow, and stay passionate together.

33. 33

    Be genuine. So many people theses days are so full of shit (figuratively and literally), that it feels like a breathe of fresh air (and a rarity) to actually deal with genuine people these days. Everyone and their neighbour are more concerned about their fake Instagram persona, rather than having real relationships, and connections with the people that matter most. Be real. It’s OK to show emotion, to be passionate about something, to show empathy, or to truly care for someone. To say you don’t like something, or don’t agree with something (if that’s the truth). I haven’t been the best role model all of my life, but for the most part, I’ve spent the majority of my years being genuine - and I’d recommend that you try it more often as well (assuming you’re full of shit).

34. 34

    Most people want the same things out of life. We’re not that different at the end of the day, despite all that divides us. Doesn’t matter what ethnicity you are, what your religion is, whether you’re white, black, brown, yellow, Trump orange, of Gumby green, or what your sexual orientation is - most of us want the same simple things out of life… To love, and to be loved. To care for their families. To be happy. To live in peace. Of course, there will always be some rotten eggs in this world - but for the most part, I truly believe that deep down inside, most people want the same simple things that we all want.

35. 35

    Have a purpose greater than yourself. To make the best out of this journey called life, you need to have a purpose greater than yourself. You don’t have to move mountains to change the world, but you do need a meaningful purpose. Life is a beautiful gift that each of us were lucky enough to experience. The next time you have a “bad day”, try your best to remember that this opportunity you were given is special. Be grateful for that. Don’t waste it by aimlessly scrolling through social media all day (we’re all guilty of it!), or living a life without meaning. Why are you here? What does your heart pull you towards? Are you truly spending your days doing the things you were meant to be doing? These are all questions worth asking yourself.

    As the last paragraph of Desiderata so eloquently described:

    “With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,

    it is still a beautiful world.

    Be cheerful.

    Strive to be happy.”

36. Almost six years later
37. 36

    Real Change is HARD.

    The kind of change that really transforms you - the kind you don’t just talk about, but actually live - hurts.

    It strips away your comfort zones, forces you to take 100% responsibility/accountability for your actions, look at your patterns, and demands more from you than you think you have.

    But the harder the change, the more powerful the breakthrough.

    Most importantly though, make sure you’re doing it for the right reasons.

    Not because you think it will get you a specific outcome, or because you’re doing it for someone else - but because it’s something you know you need to do for yourself, no matter what.

    It’s not easy, and it takes time and commitment.

    But it’s worth it.

38. 37

    Acceptance.

    There’s freedom in learning to accept what you cannot control or change.

    People will leave. You will lose your loved ones. Hopes and dreams will be challenged. Life won’t always play out the way you imagined.

    Sometimes the story doesn’t have the ending you dreamed of.

    But acceptance isn’t about giving up - it’s about finding peace, so you can move forward instead of staying stuck in “what could have been.” It’s about being able to accept reality, as it is - yet still find meaning and happiness. Still find/see the good, the opportunities - and still be thankful/grateful for all of it.

    As the well-known prayer goes:

    “God, grant me the serenity To accept the things I cannot change, The courage to change the things I can, And the wisdom to know the difference.”

39. 38

    “I do” - Isn’t Always Forever.

    Wedding vows - “For better or for worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish… until death do us part.”

    Those words are powerful, but not everyone lives them out.

    I’ve learned that vows are only as strong as the people behind them.

    Sometimes love doesn’t last the way you believed it would, and that’s a brutal reality. But it doesn’t erase the love that did exist, or the lessons you take with you.

    The words/vows may have been true when they were said in that moment - because that’s how they truly felt…

    But, the thing about feelings is - that they can change. Literally, from moment to moment.

    Perhaps vows should go something like this, instead:

    “I commit to always being my best possible self, to love, cherish, respect you and care for you, every day. Continuing to work on myself and grow, while also holding space for you, and supporting you to do the same - for as long as you continue to choose me.”

    Because as much as being a hopeless romantic, and finding that “forever love” is a great ideal to aim for - reality doesn’t always have a “fairy tale” ending.

    There might come a day, where feelings change, and they choose to leave.

    That’s where the previous lesson also comes into play: acceptance.

    If someone isn’t happy in a relationship, they aren’t going to stay. And if they do, solely because of living up to their original “until death do us part” vows (perhaps due to religion or out of pure loyalty) - they won’t be happy, and may end up resenting you for it in the future.

    That’s not to say that you shouldn’t put in the work first… As one of my original lessons stated, “Relationships take work.” (a lot of it!)

    Have you ever heard the saying, “We all marry our unfinished business”?

    It’s true.

    We specifically choose the exact person who was exquisitely designed to challenge us, and poke at our inner most triggers/pain points and wounds from childhood, which eventually forces us to have to leave our safe comfort-zones and deal with our “unfinished business” - whether we like it or not.

    But if both partners can recognize that - it’s a great opportunity and definitely possible for both sides to work out their unfinished business and heal together - as long as they’re both ready to look into the mirror, accept responsibility - and do the work.

    But sometimes, leaving is the only way to force both sides to truly grow, heal, and finally put in the real work.

    Or else, they will continue to carry their unfinished business to every future relationship.

40. 39

    Healing, Takes Time.

    Grief, heartbreak, loss, betrayal, disappointment - it doesn’t vanish overnight. Healing isn’t linear, and there’s no deadline.

    Sometimes you think you’re through it, only to find yourself revisiting the pain again. And that’s OK. Each wave you survive makes you stronger, and every step forward (even the small ones) is progress.

    If you’re currently going through any type of loss, know that everything you are feeling is completely valid. There are no shortcuts when it comes to healing. Distractions, trying to pretend “everything is OK” (even when it clearly isn’t), quickly moving on without proper grieving and growth, suppressing your emotions, etc. are all things that will simply delay your healing process, and lead to further pain.

    Sometimes, walking through the fire (pain) is the only way through it.

41. 40

    Turn Pain into POWER.

    This has become the greatest lesson of my 40 years.

    I’ve had to face a great amount of pain and loss throughout my life, and will continue to face more in the future…

    Pain will visit all of us - it’s not optional. Along with death - it’s the only thing that’s guaranteed.

    But what we do with that pain, is.

    We can let it crush us, or we can let it forge us into something stronger, wiser, more resilient.

    It can be used to not only heal, but to grow your mind, body and spirit stronger than you ever thought was possible before.

    So, if you’re walking through pain of loss (whatever loss that might be) right now - know this: you can rebuild.

    That’s why I’m working on something new, something I wish I had years ago. It’s called 12-Week Warrior, and it’s about turning your deepest pain into your greatest strength.

42. The one that came after
43. 41

    Forgive yourself.

    At 35 I wrote that learning to forgive matters. I meant grudges — letting go of what other people did to me. It took me until 41 to understand that sometimes the person you most need to forgive is yourself.

    One thing first, because it matters. If what you lost was something you never controlled — a death, an illness, someone who chose to leave — you'll find things to blame yourself for anyway. Everyone does. It's easier to be guilty than to be powerless. If that's you, this isn't a confession. It's the shelter coming down.

    Forgive yourself for the promises you didn't keep. For the times you could have done better, could have been better, and chose not to. For the moments you should have been there, and weren't. For the things you said to people you loved that you didn't mean and can't take back. For wanting someone who, no matter how hard you tried, didn't want you back. For carrying guilt so long you forgot you were the one still holding it. For believing you deserved less than you actually did.

    Forgiving yourself is not excusing yourself. I still believe every word of lesson 36 — you take a hundred percent responsibility. But you can own every single thing you did and still stop punishing the person who did it. Ownership without forgiveness isn't accountability. It's a nicer word for self-punishment, and you can't rebuild anything from there. So take responsibility for all of it. And then put it down.

Lesson 41 was written for the video. This page is the first place it's been written down.